The “it” I’m referring too in the title is grief (what else would you expect from me this week?). I’ve been hearing the “stages of grief” being thrown about a lot of late, as you pretty much always do when someone dies.

In case you aren’t familiar with what that is – here’s a link to the Wikipedia article on it. I have problems with a lot of things on Wiki’s site, but this one is pretty good. Take this quote for example:

Grief is a multi-faceted response to loss. Although conventionally focused on the emotional response to loss, it also has physical, cognitive, behavioral, social, and philosophical dimensions. Common to human experience is the death of a loved one, whether it be a friend, family, or other close companion, and in fact the word “grief” comes from the same root as “grave.” While the terms are often used interchangeably, bereavement often refers to the state of loss, and grief to the reaction to loss. Losses can range from loss of employment, pets, status, a sense of safety, order, or possessions, to the loss of loved ones. Our response to loss is varied and researchers have moved away from conventional views of grief (that is, that people move through an orderly and predictable series of responses to loss) to one that considers the wide variety of responses that are influenced by personality, family, culture, and spiritual and religious beliefs and practices.

Bereavement, while a normal part of life for us all, carries a degree of risk when limited support is available. Severe reactions to loss may carry over into familial relations and cause trauma for children, spouses and any other family members: there is an increased risk of marital breakup following the death of a child, for example. Issues of personal faith and beliefs may also face challenge, as bereaved persons reassess personal definitions in the face of great pain. While many who grieve are able to work through their loss independently, accessing additional support from bereavement professionals may promote the process of healing. Grief counseling, professional support groups or educational classes, and peer-led support groups are primary resources available to the bereaved. In the United States, local hospice agencies may be an important first contact for those seeking bereavement support.

Here’s what I’ve been wondering: Are we making too big a deal of this?

I mean people have been grieving ever since Adam and Eve were thrown out of the garden! It’s a normal part of our fallen existence, and this side of heaven there’s no way to avoid or escape it.

I’ve used the stages of grief quite a bit with people who have lost loved ones. Quite often it’s been very helpful to them, a few other times not at all. But then again you could probably say that about anything.

I’m not against the stages of grief or anything like that. But I do wonder if we aren’t making it harder to go through because we make such a big deal out of it?

The real irony here is that if my Dad were still alive and able to read this – I’m absolutely sure he’d give an emphatic yes to that question!

But of course he’s not, so I’m left alone in my families dinning room blogging about it while my Mom and one of my sisters sleeps.

These kind of moments are precious to me, and are one reason why this blog is, at times, so very important to me. It’s giving me the space and reason to ponder about all this, and to let things settle into my heart and soul.

I do think that one of the big failings of modern psychology is that we do tend to make far to much about some of the things we experience. Those of us who know something about it often end up analyzing the why’s and wherefore’s of our experience, instead of being in the moment and the experience itself!

That’s not good!

So read all you can, learn what you want, but along the way don’t forget to live all of life, including the loss of a loved one.